Forbidden Crush 

hearts for your crush

My guilty pleasure is having crushes on guys who are often over 10 years younger than I am. It isn’t even intentional and I sometimes don’t know his age before realizing the attraction. Naturally, it starts with the physical allure then even with the slightest of reciprocation, it develops into something emotional. Most times I feel like they can definitely tell that I’m crushing because I catch them staring at me. Hugs from my crushes are usually the warmest of embraces too. It’s nice.

My friends, from high school, and I, use to play a game called “eye candy”. With this game, when we were in public places (mostly restaurants), we’d choose a guy then stare at him until someone cracks and looks away or start laughing. Sometimes the guy would come over and talk to us or we’d even exchange numbers. None of us ever developed a serious relationship that resulted from this game, though. 

I get a euphoric feeling when I have a new crush. It blooms from the secret glances, the gentle touches and the random fantasies in my mind. It may be important to mention that I like guys who dances, sings or even models. He doesn’t have to be a “professional” at it, it can just be his hobby. These are activities I enjoy, so the mutual interest is good enough to kickstart the fantasies in my mind like:

“It was a cool Autumn night at an outdoor latin party. Blanketed by the stars, we lost ourselves in the sensual movements of ‘la Bachata’. Swayed by the music and the heat from our bodies close together, feelings from our hearts emerged.”

I’ll even fabricate scenarios like:

He held my hand and helped me up from the sand. So soft was his touch, so gentle. I smelt the beer on his breath and wondered how sweet it would taste from his lips. His eyes met mine and my heart smiled. Could he see that his stare was giving me butterflies? Did he know that I wondered how his body looked with no clothes on, or how it would feel to fall asleep with him in my bed?

Honorary mentions are  the songs that transports me to a higher place:

In Bloom – Proteje ft Lila Ike
Say It – Tori Lanez
Maybe – Toni Braxton
In my bed – Rotimi
New Tattoo – James Arthur
Under the Influence – Chris Brown

Often times though, there is always a reason as to why I don’t proceed any further with the guy I’m crushing on. Either he’s a coworker, friend of the family or even because he lives in a different country and is just visiting. Whatever it is, most times my crushes just remains as crushes. No relationship, just a passing fancy. 

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